Friday, January 15, 2010

Mia, smoking, and the like

Bulemia scares me.

Worse than anorexie or whatever... It scares me to see what I'm capable of.

I threw up in the sink while the fiance was in the bathroom. I threw up 3 times that day and took a laxative, and so forth... I've been throwing up almost daily.

This seems like SUCH a HORRENDOUS thing to do, but it doesn't bother me when I'm in the moment. And after, it all seems so foggy, like I couldn't have possibly done it... That I don't even feel regret... I feel regret for eating the food in the first place, but not for throwing it back up.

I need to stop... I don't like how I feel when I feel bad, and I feel like I should feel bad, but when I don't it's even worse because I feel bad for feeling good.

That's a ramble.

Today's intake:
Veggie Pita - 165
Bites of stuff at work - ??200??
Sugarfree Red Bull - 10

Total: 375?

I'm about to go out with the fiance for a couple drinks, and I am really hungry and hoping I don't get sick from drinking on an empty stomach... I'm sure to get drunk quickly tonight.

My weight has plateaued. And I know it's from all the mia and then eating again when I'm stoned... Yesterday and today have been good, but 2 good days doesn't yet make up for 4 bad...

I need to STOP smoking and get back on track here.

I need to stop being depressed too because I eat more when I don't feel well... And lately, I have been totally MISERABLE.

But my birthday is Feb 22nd, and I need to be thin by then... I think we're going back home, and if that's the case I need to look fab.

Nighty night, ladies... I'll catch up with all of you as soon as I can... Not much privacy at the moment... And I have tons of thinspo on my home computer that I'll be posting soon.

Think thin!


  1. Yeah, that's Mia... seems so disgusting and difficult at first, and then becomes second nature. I do it without thinking. Quick 10 minutes, methodically, purge, purge, purge... every day, several times a day... like NORMAL.
    You have to keep fighting it. It's a waste of time and destructive on the body. It does not make you thin or beautiful.
    Remember that.
    I'm fighting this with you, so stay strong with me :)
    sending you love x x x

  2. Fight Mia, Embrace Ana. Much love!