Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Determining things

Today's intake:
Ahi salad and pita
One pineapple cider
Mushrooms
Carrots and chicken breast 
Strawberry fruit pop

My weight was down 3 pounds this morning, even with my botched birth control intake this week and hormonal swings and a huge bloated belly all day. 

Only about 300 pounds left to go...

I'm so fat right now I don't know what goal to even set as a goal weight... I just want to keep losing until my glorious collarbones return and my back rolls are replaced with ribs. I'll get there, but it feels like such a long road...

It's time. It's past time actually... I'm disgusting. I can't image my naked body turning anyone on... Or the clothed one for that matter...

But it still seems to... And that makes it so extremely hard to be good. Especially when someone is cute and attentive and tells me I can have whatever I want. That's such a temptation for someone like me. 

The other night was so annoyingly difficult, but I'm proud of myself. I didn't look to the past, and I didn't start something messy to occupy the future... I just let the present be what it was and held to my convictions. I don't want to feel bored, but I don't want to feel guilty even more. I do still love the crazy boy, no matter what he decides this month, and I want us to figure things out and be truly genuinely happy together. I know I'll ruin that if I ever try to branch out, and I know it. I've just been lucky in the past. 

He is adorable though. And he wanted to hug me tonight... Sunday is probably going to be annoying. 

Let's just hope by then that I'm even thinner. 

Mm, I just got a hunger pang... My favorite feeling before bed. I've missed that feeling. Time to drift off to sleep and let my body shave off a little more of itself. 

Think thin. 💚