Monday, February 22, 2010

Cleanse & Fast

My cleanse is going well... The juice I bought it supposed to be eaten with fruits, vegetables, broths, and gelatin, but I'm not having anything with it... It surprisingly settles my stomach and boosts my blood-sugar, so I'm not GOING to eat.

I feel tired though...

I am not having a huge problem avoiding food yet (7pm is usually my toughest time period for hunger, so in about 2 hours I should be my hungriest) but any time I see something accessible, I think, "POUNCE!" I have been able to easily move on so far... I'm planning on cleaning the house a bit and then showering soon and tomorrow if I get through today, going clothes shopping and tanning... That should keep me motivated not to eat!!!

Thinspo, ladies... I need all I can get today.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Bowel movements and lack thereof

Ladies, I have had a terrible week.

I got sick and had not one bowel movement for FOUR days.


I did everything I could think of: drank coffee, ate fiber cereal, ate only fruits, apples, oranges, corn, beans, drank apple juice, took lax's... No meat, dairy, etc.

Nothing until last night... I haven't been like this EVER... I have no idea why it happened.

I'm don't even know if pooping makes you gain, but the amount of crap in my system scared me, so I didn't weigh in... And now I'm getting ready to start my period, so bloating and water retention is an issue this morning.

I weighed 119 on the scale this morning... Not a huge gain but I didn't LOSE. I'm pissed. My goals were right there... Within reach and stripped away because my body decided to get all fucked up in the last week...

I feel so discouraged, I want to give up... I still feel sick from the BM issues, and my intestines hurt and NOW I have cramps and bloat.

I feel like a failure, and I know it's not my fault, but I don't know how to fix it!

Okay, Cally... You need to calm down, decide what you want, and tell yourself you can do it...

2 day liquid fast starting tomorrow... I'll buy the stuff today... I probably shouldn't start it today since I've been pooping SO much now, and if I do a juice cleanse I might dehydrate the shit out of myself...

We'll go with around 400 calories today - all neg cal foods if I can manage... I'll stop at the store and get a a mango (100), and I have an apple (70), and 3 tangerines (120) and 2 cups of cut strawberries (100).

I can regain control... I can weigh at least 115 when I go to FL, and I can be tanner...

Okay, laundry time and I have to go to the grocery store!

Think thin, ladies. And please send some love and support my way... I need it.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentines Day

I didn't do as well as I wanted to yesterday, but I don't really know my weight because I haven't had a BM yet... I didn't binge, but I had 300 calories when I came home from work because I was SO hungry.

SO, today, I'm making up for it.

I'm liquid fasting today... I can do it... I can manage.

Coffee, Sugar-Free Red Bull, Fuze... I'm going to stop at the gas station and pick up some apple juice or V8 too...

I'm fasting until tomorrow when I have to eat Valentines dinner with the fiance... Then it's lobster tail with lemon, asparagus, and some steak... And as little cake as I can get away with eating with him around.

I can DO this!



I WILL manage.

I'm sick of being fat.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Thinspo crazed and sleepy

The scale said 117.5 today... I'm hoping to have that to a solid 117 by tomorrow.

I didn't flub up yesterday, but I didn't do as good as I could have... I need to get my work nights more balanced with the food... When I got home I was STARVING with no calories to spare, so I ate about 100 which was bad, bad, bad.

I'll do better tonight... I hope... I'm exhausted.

I had the WORST insomnia ever last night... I don't usually have insomnia, (I used to, but it's been about 2 years since it was a serious issue) but last night was a beast... I only slept about 5 hours and it was a rough sleep... I was tossing and turning and my brain would not shut off. Counting calories, thinking about my Valentines present for the fiance, thinking about work... It was rough. I'm pooped right now and about to get ready for work... Sugar Free Red Bull is going to be what gets me through tonight. Pretty sure about that one. I'm yawning like crazy while I write this.

But, alas. What's a girl to do?

I've been collecting thinspo like a crazed woman lately... I have folder upon folder organized by theme of the picture and there are a LOT of them... I don't know what's come over me, but it's good inspiration. For sure.

I'll leave you ladies with some. Think thin... You know you want body parts like these.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Restricting and planning

I was contemplating letting myself eat an additional 50 cals today, but then I came to take a read at all of your blogs, and it was so inspiring... I have renewed will-power.

(Note: This entry is basically all about food, so if you don't want to read about it, don't read on.)

Today's cals:
Strawberries - 50 cals
Salad - 130 cals
Potato and broccoli frozen meal - 210
Total: 390
Plus 100 cals of something else later possibly, which would put me at 490.
Maybe just a rice cake and then I'm 70 cals under... We'll see when the hunger strikes how little I can get away with.

So lately, I've been finding that planning my meals spaced out is VERY helpful... The only problem has been blood sugar drops that make me want to pass out... So much so I need to find a way to boost it easily when I'm on the go... I was reading about jelly beans, and I think I'm going to get some because I don't particularly LIKE them, and they have relatively few calories per piece. I'm currently doing some research on what I can do to boost my blood sugar...

BUT, I've been timing my meals so that I know when it's coming so that I don't eat too many calories and have nothing left to consume later... My biggest dilema is that with work sometimes I can't control my schedule...

I would like to potentially adopt this schedule:
Meal 1: 50 cals (Fruit or some honey tea or yogurt.) 11:30am
Meal 2: 100 cals (Salad or vegetables, cereal or oatmeal.) 2:30pm
Meal3: 200 cals (Something with protein that's filling, salad with chicken, etc.) 6:30pm
Meal4: 50 cals (Rice cake, fruit, vegetables, something I can take to work.) 8:30pm
Meal5: 100 cals (Popcorn, tostado, tuna, etc. Whatever I feel like when I get home.) 10:30pm
This seems late, but the deal is that I stay up until about 2:30 am (Notice breakfast is 11:30am... When you work nights, your schedule seems lazyyy.)

The past couple days I've been doing this, and the smaller meals and controlling what I eat really helps... We'll try it on a work day and see how it goes... I'm just nervous about controlling myself well on work days... I'm kind of a vulture at work, scarfing up any remnant I can find... Augh... So much easier at home when all I have to do is sit on the couch and rest if I get tired...

We'll see tomorrow though.

In other news, I'm always on the lookout for EASY meals that are arounf 200 cals for my "big" meal of the day every day, and lately I have found some VERY satisfying meals... Lean Cuisine and Smart Ones have a lot of them if you like frozen meals. (I do because I'm always eating dinner at work.) Some of them have like 400 cals, so you have to be careful, but the nice thing about them is that the calories are right on the front of the box, so all I have to do it stand in one spot with the freezer door shut and glance at each box to see. Cheexy potatoes and broccoli, vegetarian ravioli, broccoli alfredo, etc. I used to think it was a gross waste, but when you read the nutrition stats, they are actually pretty good for you and yummy. (If you avoid the gross pressed meat ones. Ew.)

I've also been a huge fan of ready-made salads in the produce/deli area lately... They have nutrition info on the back, and there's a chicken cesear one and a raspberry walnut one I get that are to DIE for... It's nice to have a complete SALAD and not have to worry about hidden calories or counting up all the calories myself when I make one at home.

BUT anyway, hope I didn't trigger anyone to go eat something they weren't planning on... If you couldn't tell, I went to the grocery story today. Ha!

Think thin, ladies!

9 pounds in 2 weeks

Yesterday I did even better than planned, and when I weighed in this morning, I weighed 119. Yesss. I guess my body is shedding the weight quickly because of my erratic behavior lately... My metabolism is leveling back out, maybe?

I would love to lose at least 9 pounds by the 25th. Is that possible? 2 weeks? Is that enough time? I think it is... We'll see.

My birthday is February 22nd, but the 25th-28th the fiance and I are going back home to see my family and friends. I want to look skinny-minny by then. I want all my friends to see how fabulous I'm doing... I scheduled a haircut, I bought some new clothes in smaller sizes... Now it's just the 9 pounds and a tan.

Do you know how amazing I would feel if I weighed 110 when I went home!? Augh, it would be amazing... And I feel REALLY motivated right now... Let's hope it holds out.

Well, ladies, I'm sure I'll blog later... All this time off has been fabulous because I've been able to blog so much... Even though they're sick days... LOL!

Think thin and stay strong!

Thinspo... I'm SO inspired.