Saturday, February 6, 2010

Honey honey

Wednesday was a fucking disaster.

Binged and flushed my system with laxatives late that night to the point where every morsel of food I put into my mouth on Thursday rushed through my system like it was on a mission.

I woke up yesterday severely dehydrated to the point where I could barely move my muscles were so tight.

Yesterday was also a fucking disaster.

B&P 3 times (yes, in my dehydrated state... I know... I'm going to kill myself if I continue that behavior).

Today I woke up with new resolve though.

I'm starting my day with tanning and a work out and a fast.

And LOTS of water.

I need to get back on track.

I know what triggered me...

It was the visit from my best friend... My lack of writing as much... The emotions seeing her and being near her put me through.

2 people with EDs who never talk to each other about the fact that both know they have them spending time together is anything but relaxing.

(If you could follow that.)

It's honestly more relaxing to be around people that eat "normally." Whatever the fuck that means.

I have severe issues when I spend physical time with her... Which is honestly the saddest thing ever because she honestly is my best friend.

*sigh*

Breakfast was hot water with honey to keep my blood sugar up. Planning on the same 3 more times today... And maybe some tea.

I have a pack of ciggys, but I don't know if I'll allow myself a smoke yet. We'll see.

Tomorrow's plan is to do the same if I can...

AND NO BINGING, CALLY!!!

Thinspo. So, so lovely.














2 comments:

  1. Tanning <3. Absolutely adore it, it is a mood pick-me-up!
    I hope you get your control back before it gets too far away.. I know how hard the days with Mia can be, on both your body and mind.
    Like I mentioned in my post about yogurt... I really feel like it helped me stop the B&P cycle. I'm not quite sure why.. Hopefully you can find something that helps you!
    xo

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  2. I have such a fear of dehydration after vomiting, that right beofre I do, I mix up a 1.5L bottle of Deer Park with salt to drink when I've finished. I want to resolt my electrolytes and keep my K+ and Na+ ion channels moving!

    One thing I am considering it buying Pedialyte. One liter is 100 calories, but they also have frozen pops which are only 6 calories each. I'm even considering it as a fast, honestly.

    Just and idea!

    p.s. 7th model from the bottom; the shoes are VISCIOUS.

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