Tangential

Even pleasant interaction is a blow to my self esteem. I am fat. I need to be less fat. I don’t have a plan. I just want to fucking lose weight and starve and jog 4 miles every morning and worry about every bite that crosses my lips. I want skinny jeans and sweaters and stilettos that feel good to wear. 

Play me the song you wrote for some other girl.

Let’s fall in love for one night. 

I want to drink. 

My mother

Ways that I am like my mother:

• Unused exercise equipment. 
• Snacking in bed in secret. 
• Sneaking into the kitchen when no one’s around. 
• Sweaty and smelly. 
• Ugly clothes. 
• No makeup. 
• Inconsistent hygiene. 
• Laying around too much. 
• Eating garbage. 
• Ugly nails and toenails.

I fucking hate myself. I truly need to get it together. It’s been too long being like this. I agreed with myself moderation in this month and then time to kick ass. 

I need my child to sleep.