Sunday, January 17, 2010

Bulimia

I am pretty much 100% bulimic lately.

I don't know what is wrong with me, but I need to snap out of it before I make myself really, really sick.

I had a planned binge and purge today... And by planned, I mean, I was at the store shopping for a few necessary items, and next thing I knew I was buying cupcakes, battered chicken, and pasta salad from the deli.

Then I was speeding home with only one thing on my mind: Binge and purge.

I haven't done something like that in almost a year.

Augh, I just blew my nose and there were cupcake fragments in my nose from purging so hard. Repulsive.

I don't know how to stop it lately... It's like food has this sudden power over me, and the only way I can fight it is by throwing it back up...

I need to get back on track. I need to stop this before I get found out or fat... Purging doesn't fix eating it in the first place.

I need help.

3 comments:

  1. CALLY!!! You need to stop that, asap! you know its bad, please please please look after yourself.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. :(

    I wish i had advice, but I don't.
    If only it was as easy as just stopping, or just not eating the "bad food"...

    maybe if you get to the bottom of whats bugging you/triggering the binge it would help?

    ~Harlow

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have always feared this.
    The fast food run.
    So I promised never to do it,
    To go buy junk. Because
    It gets worse, I hear.
    Pizza Hut then
    McDonald's
    Popeye's...
    all in a few hours.

    Think about your life.
    Anything triggering?
    Any patterns?

    Think about food=
    Calories=
    energy.
    Nothing more.
    Nothing less.

    I need to snap out of it before I make myself really, really sick.

    Ironic humor:
    As if you really cared
    About getting sick.
    you should've stopped hurting
    Yourself
    Long ago,
    and literally pulling out your insides to make yourself sick.

    I used to want help, too.
    but only when I felt unstable,
    like this.

    You'll be fine.
    Just keep posting,
    Getting it out.
    Think more before you act and
    Believe it's just a phase.

    I believe in you.

    ReplyDelete