Disgusting

Last night was a travesty.

An absolute horror.

I didn't eat all day. Then at dinner, I had a normal size meal. I thought, "It can't hurt. If anything, I'll purge." So there I was, eating Tapas. Eating less than the other girls, drinking less, but my body is not used to a "normal" amount of food:
1 cup of rice
3 shrimp
1/3 of a salad
2 inch cube of cheese
2 slices bread
Olive Oil
1 bite beef
2 bites gnocchi
3 bites of sausage
2 bites of chicken
1/2 a spring roll

It's not a ton, but it felt like bricks in my stomach.

I wanted to purge. I felt like I needed to. But there was NO opportunity. And trust me, I tried and tried until my behavior looked really suspicious.

I felt DISGUSTING. So full of SHIT and calories that I didn't want in there. I felt SICK all night long. Dinner, drinks, smokes, party, more drunk food (crackers and some dip stuff) SICK.

And this morning I feel STILL feel sick.

The scale scorned me, as is my digestion.

I feel on the verge of throwing up but I know there's nothing but bile left.

SO, thus we come to the plan today:

Planned eats, NO CARBS, NO SUGAR, NO PROTEIN.
Fiber pills and Diet Coke - 10 cals
Apple - 60 cals
Peaches - 100 cals
Sugarfree Red Bull - 10 cals
Apple - 60 cals
Fiber cereal - 100 cals
Total: 340 cals

I may go without the peaches.

Right now I don't want ANYTHING, and I hope that feeling stays a while.

Think thin, ladies.