Saturday, November 20, 2010

I'm too fat. Nobody will love me.

I know I've been MIA lately, and it's because I've been working SO much. I'm trying to save all the money I need to move, and it's been a struggle. My personal life has ALSO been rough.

I know I've gained. I KNOW. It's only a few pounds, but I'm not talking about it or focusing on it because then I go down the slippery slope of, "Well, what's the point?"

I've been in limbo, wanting to do better, feeling guilty, and not doing better because once I fuck up one thing, I get defeated or set unrealistic goals and break them and get MORE defeated...

SO, I'm going to take it one step at a time and get back in the ana game.

I've been mia'ing lately, but that is so bad for me, my heartbeat was irregular the other day. Lovey.

Plus it doesn't even help me lose if I don't do it consistently and methodically, and I haven't been.

SO, here I sit fat and unhappy and determined to change that.

Today's goals:
1.) Following eats ONLY: Apple, peaches, oatmeal, fiber pills, soup, green tea.
2.) NO FUCKING BREAD.
3.) NO food once I get off of work.

I'm a mouse trapped in the body of an elephant.

Time to change it.

I want to be thin and pretty before I move back home, and THAT is what I need to focus on. I need to be as thin as I was on my wedding the last time everyone saw me.

THAT is better than whatever shit I could ever eat.

Think thin, ladies.

2 comments:

  1. That's it ... nothing tastes as good as thin feels :)

    I'm sorry to hear things have been rough recently - I feel the same, too much Mia not enough Ana... I'm here cheering for you love xx

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  2. good luck with your new goals. i know it is HARD!!! i'm in a place where i sorta don't care and sometimes it's better that way otherwise i get so hard on myself.

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