Thursday, October 1, 2009

Lately in the life of Cally.

1.) Weight (Eh.)
It's teetering back and forth... I'm still in weight-loss mode, but now that I've lost so much, (20+lbs since I gave into my ED again) it's harder to keep losing... And easier to gain. AND I've had some weak, weak, weak days and there for about a week I ate total shit and gained... I pretty much have the weight all back off, but even after I lose the gain (2.5lbs to go to get it back off) I have more to go. And I've been trying to get in the habit of working out more because I don't think it's going to come off with "under 500 cals a day" alone.

I've noticed that ana is becoming more of a lifestyle for me and less of something I focus on... And then I give myself new challenges and push myself harder. I eliminate foods, I make new rules, etc.

I did pretty well on my trip back home, but I totally mia'd after my mom made the fiance a birthday dinner of lasagna and chocolate cake... I've been miaing a little here and there, but even that has dropped off quite a bit. I don't want to mia, and normally it's emotional and not about food anyway...

Myself-esteem has been SO much better with every pound I lose. I went to the beach and wore a bikini, and for the first time in a looong time I didn't feel like a whale... Maybe a little like a cow, but not a whale. And EVERYONE back home made comments, and I felt SO good abotu myself! Girls who are some of my best friends were JEALOUS and asked me what I've been doing. It was amazing.

The only downside is that none of my clothes fit me anymore, especially tops and dresses. I need some new ones, because I bagged up all the old ones that look like tents and it was a BIG chunk of my wardrobe.

2.) Chevy (Fuck.)
Things have reached the end.

There for a while, we were slipping back into our old cycle. He's just so charming and it's hard to get away from him... And the fiance and I were getting a little rocky... I was falling back into alll of it...

And then a new girl came to work, and she has a boyfriend she's been with for YEARS and lives with. And she fucked him. And he was still acting like we were headed for something like he always does. SO, I got drunk at work one night and he was and he was all over me because she wasn't there. I acted like a COMPLETE bitch because I knew what he did with her... And then he left and I texted him and apologized... And to make a long story short, I ended up unloading all of my feelings on him through drunk-text, and he said he would stop playing games...

I know he won't, but he and the new girl are having some freaking affair, and I have NO respect for either of them. I may have contemplated things, but I would NEVER have acted on it. SO, it's done. And I'm actually over it, though I still hate the girl. And him to a certain degree... It's just the principle of the matter. And she broke major girl rules. Ha!

3.) The Fiance.
I am SO happy with him! We have worked out a lot of things that have been bothering/hindering our relationship. And we've been talking about moving back home after we get married, and the thought alone elates me. I've been so miserable since we moved here, and I honestly just want to go back HOME.

4.) Today
Went grocery shopping and I'm about to clean the house..
B: Salad - 210ish including dressing/chicken.
L: Fudgesicle -40
D: Jello - 10 Oatmeal - 130

SO, 390, and I still have some cals left for the day.

Gotta run! Probably some thinspo once I'm done cleaning if I have time before the fiance gets home.

Think thin, ladies! <3

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