Thursday, October 8, 2009

Breaking the cycle

Totally binged last night... After my post about how I’ve been restricting so much... Ironic.

Yesterday’s calories were probably at around 1200.

Ew.

BUT, when I was lying in bed last night absolutely HATING myself and thinking about my behavior, I started to notice a pattern with myself... As soon as I get to GW#1, I think, “I’ve done so well! I’m not going to be so hard on myself for a bit...” And then I binge. I eat a zillion cals in a day, do the same thing the next day, and the next day, and then I gain. And then once I get up about 4+lbs over GW#1, I freak out and restrict a LOT.

And I am BREAKING THIS CYCLE!!!

No more being easy on myself. No more junk food. No more binges because I’m doing well.

I am NOT doing well ENOUGH.

I stepped on the scale this morning and was up a pound from fucking yesterday. I almost took a lax, but decided against it because we were going out in public, and no thank you.

SO, today:
B: Coffee - 0
L: Grilled veggies and meat – 250-300?
D: Fudgesicle, and some popcorn - 140

Probably around 400-450. Not sure about lunch because the fiancé and I went to a Mexican place in town, so who knows what was in it.

MUCH better than yesterday tho.

AND I worked out for over an hour, as hard as I could. I filled my iPod with some pumpin’ music the other day, and MAN did I sweat my ass off! I burned about 300 cals on the elliptical alone.

But anyway, I need a shower.

No thinspo today, because the fiancé found some and he’s all confused at to what it is and I’m SO fucking paranoid about him finding this lately.

2 comments:

  1. Oh I totally understand how you feel about being "too" easy on yourself and then waking up one or two days later with a massive gain...

    It's a never-ending journey. But you know what? That intense work out is a step in the right direction.

    No to food!
    Yes to working out!
    I am so with you on this! ;)

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  2. It really sounds like you're in a strong and determined state of mind at the moment. Dont worry about the few mess ups, it happens, most important thing is that you keep the main goal in focus, and I really believe you're on the right track for doing so!
    Ophelia x x

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