Binging. Binging. Binging.
All of these describe me over the past few days.
I am terribly depressed, and not sticking to the game-plan.
I'm sure I've gained. but I'm too scared to check, so I haven't.
I need to get my head back in the game. I need to clean up my act so I'm not so depressed all the time.
I need to be harder on myself.
Or maybe not so hard?
I think harder.
You would all be so ashamed of me, ladies.
But I'm going to turn things around.
Eyes on the thighs; eyes on the prize. I'm only a winner if I get thinner.
Plan: Work out! And no more food tonight at all unless I get to go to dinner with the fiance, and then only veggies/salad.
Tomorrow, work out!!! Water, water, water.
Wake up: Coffee - 0 cals
5 pm: Salad - 200 cals
8pm: Yogurt - 45 cals
Closing time: Peaches - 100 cals
Get home: Fudgesicle - 40 cals
Can possibly throw in some grilled romaine w/lem vin if I can't survive work.
I need to prove to myself that I'm not just a fat kid.
I need to get my head out of my huge ass and start losing again.
I'm weighing in on Sunday, and if I am not back down to what my lowest has recently been, more drastic measures will be taken. If I'm LOWER, then I will reward myself with something... We'll figure out what soon.
I hate myself.
And I've been ruining my relationship with the fiance because of all of this lately.
I feel like a fat ass cow, so I don't want to have sex.
I'm acting obsessive complusive more than usual because I'm freaking out about how much lack of self-control I recently have.
The other day I let a little comment get blown WAY out of proportion so that I wouldn't have to go to dinner because I had eaten too much that day and I am trying to stop purging.
I almost told him about my problem.
But I can't. I need his love. And no one loves a fat girl with eating issues.