Sunday, August 20, 2017

Bittersweet 

When I weighed in this morning, the scale was incredibly nice to me. However, I felt reckless and edgy all day. There's a lot going on right now in life that I do not feel in control of. 

My day ended with a binge and purge.. not the usual type of binge - actually just another meal (after I said I'd stop eating for the day) of not-Ana approved food... I thought about letting myself keep the meal down, but I couldn't. My anxiety was too high. I didn't want to wake up tomorrow to a higher weight, and the fear of that made me take the opportunity to purge when it arose. 

I felt lighter the moment I was done purging. Nice purges are always bittersweet.

Tomorrow is another day at the new job. Plus drama with my dog. And drama with paying for the boys classes. I'm not looking forward to all of it. 

But maybe the scale will be nice again. August was a bad month for weight loss for me. That can't continue... I need to get on track. This week was pretty good, aside from tonight- I just need to keep it up. 

Let's do it. 

Think thin. 

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