Thursday, August 3, 2017

Down another pound

The scale was so kind this morning. Down another pound. I'm lower than I've been in a while. I need to keep going and not give up... I'm going to do my workout when I'm done writing this.

I had nightmares all night last night. I was hungry when I fell asleep, hungry when I woke up. I took a melatonin and smoked a bowl to get myself sleepy enough to pass out. It was decent, but I knew the fucked up dreams would be there waiting. I had a dream that the fiance found this blog. I was horrified. He was commenting on my posts while I was feverishly attempting to block and delete things.

If he knew what was in the pages of this blog, he would probably leave me. Or at least be devastated. Sometimes I wonder why I risk having it - going online and writing in here, etc. But, I need it. I need this outlet to work through things and become a better person. The worst of me is on these pages, and that's where I like to leave it.

And it's comforting when the little number of views shows a couple. I feel less alone. I pray for comments, and even when there aren't any (as I've had this account so long most of my fellow blogger ladies have come and gone) I still feel like maybe someone connected with something I said. I should probably find other blogs to read and comment on also, but I struggle with the time and privacy to do so.

Anyway, I need to go be productive.

Think thin.

1 comment:

  1. I know what you mean about worrying your blog will be found. I worry that about my husband all the time. We're so open and honest with each other about things and I know he would be devastated to find out about all of this. But I need it. Congrats on your loss!