Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Catty Bitch

This is a pissy, bitchy post, so if you're not in the mood, don't read on:

Things that piss me off: (Alternate title: "Girls that piss me off")

Girls who are fat and don't realize.

Girls who are fat and don't care. I care. The sight of you offends me.

Girls that are fat, realize it, and don't do anything about it because they have no will power, but constantly WHINE about it. Shut UP. If you want to change yourself, just fucking DO it and stop complaining!

Girls that tell me I'm getting too thin because they want me to be as fat as then and stop making them feel bad about themselves.

Girls who are naturally sticks and can eat anything they want and still be extremely tiny.

Girls whose profile pictures are intended to be sexy but instead are just gross because their bodies are not cute.

Girls who get in relationships and blow up like blimps and don't even attempt to lose it before their wedding, forever immortalizing their fat asses in their wedding photos.

Girls who blow up like blimps for no apparent reason, other then they think they can eat like they're 12 years old still.

Girls who think they're getting older, and that's why they're going up in sizes every time they go to the store to shop. News flash, whatever size you were at 15-18ish is what size you can maintain for YEARS. You're not growing anywhere except out.

Girls who have, or are someone's, "fat buddy." (You know, like you go to eat somewhere and you see two chicks gorging themselves on pizza and giggling, when BOTH of them should be at the GYM instead of a pizza place because they are BOTH really fat.)

Girls who complain about being hungry all the time. Either eat or shut the fuck up about it. I'm hungry too, but I don't complain.

Girls who say, "Oh, I shouldn't be eating this!" while they're eating junk food. Then don't fucking eat it, bitch, and if you're going to, shut UP about it and go throw it up after quietly too.

Girls who are really fucking rude to their nice guy who is OBVIOUSLY cuter than them and deserves someone not so fucking fat and nice. (Especially when said girl is pigging out on fucking PASTA at a fucking TGI Friday's.)

Girls who order pasta at restaurants in the first place.

Girls that think ordering a salad is the end-all of dieting. Um, your "Salad" with fried chicken and ranch and cheese and bacon has more calories than a fucking Big Mac. Educate yourself and don't think that you can eat whatever you want on a "salad" and somehow it's better for you.

Girls who are fat and their profile picture is of them EATING something bad for them. Um, hello! WTF are you DOING!? I mean, besides ruining any respect people have for you.

Girls who think a week of slimfast is going to make them look better. 1.) IT's not, and even if it does, you'll look like shit a week after. 2.) You're a cranky-ass bitch that entire week, and I'm sick of putting up with you. 3.) You can eat actual food for fewer calories. Weightloss is not supposed to be easy, bitch. Man up and make some actual fucking food and take a moment to count it's calories.

Girls who think a "diet" is something you do for a couple weeks so you can look good for a couple days and then go back to all the shit they were eating before and turn back into a fat cow. Newsflash, just stop eating shit altogether, and you will actually be thin!

Girls who think that hair, makeup, and clothes offset how fat you look. They don't.

Girls who make jokes about how fat they are. A little heads up for you, everyone else is too.

Girls who look ashamed when they're eating shit because they ARE fat. If it makes you feel ashamed, AND you still look bad, maybe you should consider bulimia, because at least then the shame is worth it and you aren't a whale.

Girls who are fat and think their boyfriends shouldn't cheat on them. Honestly, why is he dating you in the first place? You should be happy he's having sex with you at all, because I'm sure the sight of waves of fat jiggling is not exactly a turn-on.

Girls who run around in bikinis, who should be fully clothed. Just because they're "in" doesn't mean they're meant for you. I don't even know why they make them in your size. And the same goes for skinny jeans.

Girls who talk about how much they love to "work out" who look like they've never set foot in a gym. I don't care if you used to be heavier, you're still heavy. So keep your gym talk to a minimum until you look like Jillian Michaels.

Fat girls who work at gyms or teach fitness classes. That's not exactly my goal, so why would I do what this person is doing?

Girls who get really fat when they get pregnant. You're only eating for yourself and a fucking unborn baby, not an army. You should only up your calories by 300 a DAY, not 3,000 a sitting. Heidi Klum? That's your pregnancy goal. Stick thin with a baby bump. No man wants you to pop out a baby and look like a fat cow for a year afterward.

Girls who don't lose the pregnancy fat very quickly or at all. Tori Spelling popped out 2 kids and looked ana within months. Anyone can.

That's all for now... I could probably do this all night, but I better not.

If you fall into any of these categories, please don't be offended... But wake the fuck up.


  1. I know what you're talking about! I think that people that always complain about something are just too lazy to do anything about it.

  2. I love this post and you're attitude, hahaha it made me laugh, you tell em girl.

  3. Haha, hollaBACK. Shit, you came up with the ones I hate and THEN some. My favorite was the pregnancy/eating for an army one- like, jesus. The thing is gonna be less than a foot long, don't make it obese in the womb.


  4. LMAO like i know you were probably sooo pissed writing this but its funny as hell. even knowing that i've been in one or more of these catageories, it still makes me giggle. truth hurts beeyotches.

  5. i feel the exact same way!

    can i add two things to your list? mine have more to do with guys though.

    1. guys with girls who are fat and don't care. or even worse, guys with girls who have rolls and think they're still sexy. gross. all it does is enable them and make them think they're hot shit when they're clearly disgusting. and makes me feel like all the work i'm doing is for nothing.

    2. guys who insist they love girls who eat "real food" - FUCK YOU. you want me to eat steak and potatoes and drink a ton of beer with you and still look good for you? not happening. just let me sip on my vodka seltzer quietly and pass on bread basket. i'll still outsmoke you any day.