When all else fails you, starve

The past two days I have barely eaten. It feels good. Its not from a good place. It’s from too much time on my hands and too many things attacking my self esteem on the daily. It’s from feeling like I have absolutely no fucking control over anything in my life, and I’m horrified of the future. 

So we at least make sure when we get there, we are thin. 

Xanax, edible, smoke a flowers, cough syrup, and feel just fucked up enough to finally fucking relax. I earned it. I’m going to start rewarding myself for not eating just like this. And my body will shrink away nice and steadily. And maybe I’ll figure out soon how to be selfish enough to demand workouts. I have a thought about it to look into this week.

I need to make it this week. I need to fix this shit. 

Fuck you, Cally, you piece of shit. I’m glad your stomach has hunger pangs right now. You deserve it. Now go find some eye candy to ogle, you closeted lesbian piece of trash. You’re obsessed with things you’ll never achieve, because you’re not special. Bogs was wrong. Even your own parents don’t fucking like you. And when you stop fooling them, they all leave. So you need to look the part. Then fooling them is a lot easier. 

I want to be the one whose hands fidget and heart races when there is food involved. 

I fought off sushi, burgers, sandwiches, brownies, you name it. I didn’t even have bites of things. Idk I’m over this piece of shit body. 

Kill her.