My body is fighting me. It has been nauseous from hunger the past two days.
It’s survivable.
I wait as long as I can to feed myself and I’m very selective. This afternoon my coffee wasn’t sitting well and my blood sugar was low.
Solution = throw up.
Acid gone, nausea lessens. I eat something small. Next wave, I have an edible. It makes me too relaxed for work.
I won’t do that again. Work is supreme over all.
But I feel capable of being able to fuel myself just enough to get through my responsibilities and then collapse. I just need my body to realign. I know it will. It will shrink a bit and recognize that it can’t bully me into feeding it more than I want to.
Today’s eats:
B: coffee
L: Chex mix - 220 cals
D: chicken and broccoli - 300 calsish
Livable.
I’m hungry now but I like to go to bed this way. I remember when I was my thinnest I would cup my hip bones in my hands and fall asleep like that.
I miss it.
I don’t even care what my body looks like as much as I do the way it feels. I just want to feel good in it again. And the only way that happens is when it feels a little bad.
Sleep now. Elliptical 6am. Think thin.
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