Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Ugly doormat

Standing up for myself is hard.

SO hard for me... Why is that?? Why is it impossible for me to put myself first? To show some self respect? To care for myself?

My horoscope today said I should put myself first. To not take shit from anyone basically... I tried to be nice. I tried to have a normal conversation. But how can two fucked up people even have a normal conversation? Is it even possible?

I'm tired of the way I'm treated. I'm tired of giving all of myself to someone who doesn't do the same. And I'm tired of fixing it every time.

I can't anymore. I can't be a door mat. There's a big beautiful shiny life out there and I didn't end one awful situation to jump into another.

Weighing the pros and cons of being together or parting ways and both look amazing right now.

I'm tired of not controlling my own life and letting other people and situations do it for me.

All I want is to be made to feel special. Like in worth something... Anything... To anyone.

I want someone to see the beauty in me. To understand me. To listen and care and want me on my terms, even when I'm at my worst.

I want true love. And I don't think I've ever had it. I don't even know if its possible. How could anyone love something so ugly?


  1. You will find someone who loves you for you and thinks you're beautiful even if you feel like you're a big ugly cow. I know my fiancee thinks im pretty, even though i dont understand why. you will get through it love :)

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