Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Focus pocus

The eating over the past two days has been good. I've been restricting and not even missing food honestly... I've been too preoccupied with other things...

Bird is being weird. I got drunk last night and texted him asking him why... He told me he's sorry... I need to just get away from him for a while. I got a little attached I suppose, just like he did. Only I'm the one that said no.

Gerard is getting sick of me; I feel it. He's tired of me hiding our friendship, talking about Bird, talking about the boyfriend. He's such a good friend to me. I hope he never decides to ditch me... Lately I feel like everyone is, and I hate it...

My job sucks hard. I hate it. And honestly after the holidays I'm going to look for a new one... I need a change. New faces and a new place and some new friends and management... I feel bored.

I also need to focus in life... I need grad school to be a reality. I need success and a real job and security in something. I need to finalize my divorce. I need my boyfriend to be less serious about me and to have less baggage... That last ones not possible and I know it. It's not his fault, but I feel slightly held back by him. I let myself get distracted with things, take on too much, handle everyone else's problems before my own and I need to stop doing that.

I need to focus on ME.

And my 800cals a day.

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