The eating over the past two days has been good. I've been restricting and not even missing food honestly... I've been too preoccupied with other things...
Bird is being weird. I got drunk last night and texted him asking him why... He told me he's sorry... I need to just get away from him for a while. I got a little attached I suppose, just like he did. Only I'm the one that said no.
Gerard is getting sick of me; I feel it. He's tired of me hiding our friendship, talking about Bird, talking about the boyfriend. He's such a good friend to me. I hope he never decides to ditch me... Lately I feel like everyone is, and I hate it...
My job sucks hard. I hate it. And honestly after the holidays I'm going to look for a new one... I need a change. New faces and a new place and some new friends and management... I feel bored.
I also need to focus in life... I need grad school to be a reality. I need success and a real job and security in something. I need to finalize my divorce. I need my boyfriend to be less serious about me and to have less baggage... That last ones not possible and I know it. It's not his fault, but I feel slightly held back by him. I let myself get distracted with things, take on too much, handle everyone else's problems before my own and I need to stop doing that.
I need to focus on ME.
And my 800cals a day.