Sunday, September 2, 2012

Boys and booze

I've lost 5 pounds this week. Im feeling good again. More in control. It's weird how that aspect of my life so closely ties in with all the other aspects ad being in control of them too.

The bf and I are working things out, but not quickly enough... Other people and factors keep interfering.

Gerard and Bird are all over me lately.

I get wine drunk in the bubble bath and text Gerard bubbly risqué photos. Just wanting to be told how sexy I am. Needing the attention and validation because for some reason one boys approval is never enough.

I get drunk texts from Bird at 3am (drunk myself of course because I have basically replaced food with alcohol) and we end up talking on the phone for 2 hours. He tells me not to fall in love with him, that I'm amazing, that he wants to marry me... One poor soul as confused as my own which is why we're drawn to each other.

It's all nice. Exciting. Tempting. But all I want is what I already have. Just easier.

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