Drove bird home from work the other day. He was nervous. He likes me, and I don't want that... They all do that.
We had a couple drinks, talked about work, kissed.
I left and went home to get really drunk and proceeded to tell the bf we may never be able to fix all the issues we have.
Yesterday we had a really rough morning. But it was good... We both expressed a lot of things we had been thinking but not saying. We went to lunch and got drunk.
I texted Bird and told him good luck with his impending convo with his ex, that I just want him to be happy. I meant it. But it was also to push him away. I don't want him. He's great but not for me. I want what I have.
The bf and I came home and got messed up-shrooms, ex, pot and continued drinking of course...
Then we were really talking. We both rambled on and on about what we had been thinking and feeling lately.
Nothing better than fucked up and venting.
It sounds ridiculous but it was healing. He really is a good guy. And really does love me.
I'm still giving myself time and space, but to be honest, right now I'm happy with him.