Fattyfattyfatfat

I feel like garbage. I'm tired of this cycle of binging and restricting, smoking and not smoking, feeling great and feeling like shit. 

I'm tired of falling asleep with a stomach crammed with food and awakening with nausea and stomach cramps feeling depressed and hating myself. I have to poop for the first 3 hours I'm awake non-stop, and ain't nobody got time for that... 

I. Fucking. Hate. Myself.

My birthday trip is this weekend, and I'm fat. And I had the chance to not be. And I blew it. 

All this over interaction with my mother??