I had my first therapy session with Dr. A. I feel like it went ok - I do like her and think she gets it on some level. I'm not convinced she can help, but she sent me assessments that made me want to gouge out my own eyeballs, so that's probably telling that her process is hitting me right... she canceled the next session, so I’m not thrilled, but I intend to give her like two more before I make a final judgement call. I feel really unconvinced that any therapist can be help, but…
I realized blogging earlier in this week how much my daily routine is about getting to the finish line and unwinding. The process is ugly lately. I have been treating my body like garbage in a lot of ways. I don’t know how to climb out of it. I feel physically ill all the fucking time lately, and I’m doing it to myself.
I looked up an old friend this morning because I randomly saw her Venmo purchase… she is so thin now. Enviably thin. I am so over this body I live in… I hate it.
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