Idk why or what’s causing it, but I feel off kilter. I feel stressed. Money, parents, baby, family, work, wanting to enjoy my vacation and feeling worried I won’t… feeling fat. Feeling lonely.
I feel really lonely. I feel like I have no one in the world I can trust with my emotions. I have a husband who’s mean, friends I struggle to be vulnerable with, a kid who can’t talk, step kids who are off living their own lives, parents I don’t speak to, extended family I can’t stand, a brother whose mental health is worse than mine… And that’s it. I need a person. I need my husband to step up and be that person, and I am just really not sure if he ever will be.
Where is he in the intersect between ability and willingness??
I cried myself to sleep. I though of Marigold and how much I miss her. I thought of how lonely I feel.
I’m trying not to be depressed right now. I’m definitely in an episode. Wellbutrin is still working and helpful, but my depression is just a monster… A terrible monster I don’t think I’ll ever rid myself of. I can make myself do the things now with meds, but I really wish I could stop feeling so fucking sad in my life.
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