Lovely.
The pills help tho. Recently it’s beta blocker in the morning, lyrica couple times a day, benzo at night. I was trying to stick to halves. I’m going to discuss a higher dose when I meet with my NP. Today as soon as it all kicked in I was able to break the cycle. I was able to go outside even. I was able to make myself go to work and finish the work day. I need this to continue to be the case.
The b and p’s also have nothing to do with where my husband is. It’s all hearsay. My ED doesn’t give a fuck what day of the week it is, who’s where, or what my schedule is. It just pops up and says, “fuck you,” and then I have to pay attention to it all day. It’s my addiction. Fucking disgusting addiction.
I want a new swimsuit, but that prospect makes me anxious as well. Because idk what size or color or print or cut to go for, and I’m broke as a joke.
Reasonable eats is the goal tomorrow.
Breakfast: English muffin and eggs maybe.
Lunch: pepper and cheese wraps with chicken.
Dinner: HelloFresh
Total: 1200ish
I need to get myself under control. I hate this shit.
In other news, I googled Chevy. A year locked up for multiple DUIs. I wish he didn’t hurt so bad. I bet he has no idea how many tears I have shed for him. I wonder if he ever looks me up or thinks of me. He’s the worst unfinished business of my entire life.
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