Wasted

I'm drunk. 

High and drunk and just fucked my boyfriend. Like a fucking porno...I don't know what comes over me when I'm like this but my sex drive is out of control... Probably because I'm not thinking about how fat I am for once...

I love him. I wish I didn't. He's such a piece of shit. But I love him. 

Bird texted me. It's been so long I had given up on him. But he did. 4:45am. Some punctuation. 

I told myself I wouldn't text back but I'm thrilled he still wants me. Or at least thinks he wants me. 

Maybe if I ever man up enough to leave this asshole, I'll have someone who can at least take me on a date and spend some money on me before I fuck them. 

I'm over all this shit, yo. 

It's almost time to fly solo. 

Who is me?

When I read my last entry, I don't even remember myself... The past few months have been insane. 

I'm working two jobs, still fat, and have no time for me ever. 

I need to regain me. But it's hard when you're physically exhausted all the time from working but can't give up any work without that leading to no bills getting paid. There's so much I wish I could just walk away from, but it's not that easy...

I'm tired of my life. My body, my relationships, my jobs, and my person who should be so much more developed by now...

I need drastic change but don't know how to make that happen.