Literally so bad

I’m a failure that should apologize for her very existence. I can’t get the tears to form, but it feels like a mental breakdown is imminent. I tried to provoke it today, but I’m too dulled - on the edge of panic, but never falling over it into the chasm. I wish I could peel my skin off and gauge my eyes out and rip my hair out. My physical body does me no good, and I hate it, and it hates me, and it’ll probably always be like that. I don’t know if there is a chance to feel better than this anymore, or if this is just what I’m destined for. I’m losing hope. I can’t sleep. I can’t feel awake. 

That is all.