Fuck him

I fucking hate him. 

I should have gone to lunch that day. I should have said “go home”’and closed my door and moved on with my life. I should have gone on the date with Adam. I should have given him a chance when he asked. I should have let Xav be the next in line. I should have refused to have a baby. I should have stayed in the Ville. I should have fucked Chevy. I should have moved to Richmond. I should have waited for Ry. I should have listened to every motherfucker who said that all of this shit was a bad idea. 

I should have killed myself as a teen so that I didn’t have a chance to fuck up everything else so badly. 

There are no such things as soulmates and destiny. It’s just defense mechanisms and bullshit. 

She was right when she said no one wants him. I don’t want him either. He makes damn sure to be unwanted everywhere he goes. 

I fucking hate my life. I fucking hate the man I married, the body I live in, the status of the child I gave birth to, the family I came from, the job I chose, the place I exist, and everyone around me. 

I am so tired of being alive. I’m supposed to be dead by now. Why am I still here??