I want to be numb, disassociated, and asleep. I want to cancel all appointments, lay on my couch and sleep, but I don't have the option. My bank account has $25, and I have yet to pay a single bill this month. All Christmas bs is paid for with minimal financing, but my car is in danger of repo... I'm fucking over it all.
I hate the days where I'm dragging myself through. I pumped my body full of caffeine and sugar, and nothing. Still numb. I made myself leave my smokes at home, and I wish I had not. I desperately don't want to talk to anyone. I want to hide, and I cannot. There is too much to do - I do not have time for a mental breakdown.
Even if I stop, I have to circle back. I'm just so tired.
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