Food and fucking annoyed

The number on the scale this morning was lower than I’ve seen since god knows when. Maybe years. 

I’ve been super restricting. The ville rules are back. I’ve been staying under 600 cals per day except one day like 9 days ago, and that was a “normal” day. The past two nights I exceeded my allotment at dinner time and purged dinner. I don’t even care. 

Tonight the urge to binge is so high. I had a fucking emotionally and mentally exhausting day. I didn’t get a break. I didn’t get to space my sparse food properly. I am in a bad fucking mood and just want to stuff my face. 

I had a jello cup and rice cake for 80 cals instead. 

Things I would eat right now if I could:

• McDonald’s cheeseburger
• Chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce 
• Donuts
• Loaded cheese fries 
• Nachos 
• Chips and dip
• Almond snickers  
• Fruit by the foot
• Orange soda
• Pop tarts 
• Sub sandwich 
• Deep dish pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms and onion 
• Garlic knots with marinara 
• Cinnamon rolls
• Soft pretzels and lemonade 
• Cheese sticks with ranch and pizza sauce 
• Fried calamari and peppers with marinara 
• Roast beef sandwich and jalapeño poppers
• Crunchwrap 
• All the beer  

I am so tired, and my body hurts. Baby has been sick and I didn’t get paid today. Tomorrow I order groceries that look nothing like this. 

In 8 more pounds I will weigh what I did when I got pregnant. In 3 more pounds I will have lost 30lbs. Albeit slowly. Better than never I guess. 

I hate myself.