Fuck it all.

My mood is fucking terrible. Idk why. I think focusing on my issues is making them larger. Therapy just hurts so far and I keep piecing together shit that’s related to my shitty fucking mother whom I hate. 

I’m suicidal. Depressed. Eating disordered. Feeling like a terrible person. Hurt for my hurt little baby. So scared for the future.

That’s the real one. I’m so scared for the future. 

I guess my end plan can always been the case… I just wouldn’t know who to leave and who should go. There are the two connections I can’t sever. My life is so complicated…

I hate myself. I truly do, and I wish it were not the case. But I’m pretty sure I’m not lovable unless I change. I feel like he’s waiting for me to be lovable. I think I used to be more lovable… now I’m just fucking tired all the time and dismayed with how much I’m like my mom. 

So yeah. I hate myself.