Thursday, June 29, 2017

Dreams and nightmares

Last night the weirdest thing happened... I wet the bed. I'm a grown-ass woman, and I wet the bed so much I had to wake up the boy and tell him to get out of bed and let me change the sheet and had to clean the mattress underneath. I was having a dream that I was in a hurricane, running around and saving my brother from rocks flying through his window. And suddenly, I was on the toilet making everyone leave the room so I could go pee. Then I woke up and rushed to the bathroom half asleep still and fumbling around in the dark horrified. I was so scared to wake up the boy and tell him he had to get out of bed and why... I was fucking embarrassed. I'm a fucking adult, and I wasn't drunk. But he's always so gracious with me. He didn't harass me or make me feel like the weirdo I felt like. He never hurts my feelings when I'm struggling.

Coming off my birth control is difficult right now. I can feel my body adjusting to over a decade of hormones leaving my system. My skin feels like it's constantly on the verge of breaking out, and I wonder if the bed wetting had something to do with it also...  My dreams have been so weird and vivid lately, and I find I feel like I need more sleep than usual. I also finally weened myself off caffeine, and that has been a struggle, especially at work when I would normally have a pick-me-up...

I was worried the caffeine would affect my weight loss, but this morning the scale was kind again. The number says I've lost ten pounds since I started trying again. It's been a long time, but ten pounds less feels fantastic, and I feel motivated to keep it upppp. The number I saw today I haven't seen in a very long time.

Ok, off to work out... I know this one will be a struggle today, but it's necessaryyy!

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