Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Body and boys (yet again)

The scale was SO nice to me today. When I think about it, my eating has been pretty damn good lately. So, maybe I deserved it. Today was ok... Kind of a big dinner but smaller breakfast and lunches than usual, so I'm hoping it balances out.

I didn't text MW tonight. But, I did toy with the idea for about two solid fucking hours. The fiance has been such an emotional mess the past few days, and I'm getting tired of some of his behvior lately. He got drunk and passed out tonight, and I had plenty of opportunity to text MW, but I made myself restrain. If I'm honest with myself, I'm not sure if the restraint comes from actually wanting to be good or knowing that a little distance will make him want me that much more tomorrow...

For now, I've decided I am not going to fuck him - told him this - but that enjoying the attention and fantasy is fun. I like texting him. He spends hours texting me back hanging on my every word and chit chatting and doing whatever I ask him to, and telling me how amazing I am. I actually really do want to fuck him... I've seen the goods, and they look fantastic; and I think from all our conversations that he would be fun. But, I'm trying to be good. I'm trying to be a grownup. I told him some ground rules for working together, and he told me, "I don't know if I can keep my hands off you the next time I see you." I kind of feel the same way... I am saying and doing things mostly the right way, but inside I wish he would grab my by my pussy, drag me into the bathroom at work and fuck me senseless...

They say you get something from "affairs" or what have you that you're not getting from your actual relationship. I know that what I get from side boys is feeling appreciated and doted on. The fiance has never been very good at that. Today in fact, I texted him and said I loved him and he responded with a question as to when my beach trip was. I know he loves me and appreciates me, but he does not show it enough. And frankly, I get tired of complaining about the same things.

But I want him. I love him, and he loves me. I just wish he were better at it.

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