Friday, July 1, 2016

Adam and Lonely

So, my life lately...

Adam will not leave me the FUCK alone. I don't get wtf his goal is at this point, but I haven't spoken a word to him in over three weeks... He just harasses me at work.

His behaviors include:
Approaching Mike while I'm talking to him and saying, "Oh, hey Mike, is Cally training you?"
Telling Leslie while I'm within earshot that a coworker is not speaking to him and upset with him.
Coming over to my table and picking up my paperwork and looking at it and then looking at me and walking away.
Saying things to me directly, including calling me by name, in passing. 

And lots more... Yesterday he was hanging around a lot. I could tell he wanted to talk to me, but I continued with the silent treatment. I told Lolly last night that as much as this annoys me, it's also kind of flattering. I told her the Saturday night we all went out was kind of crazy because I was sitting there drunk, watching him drink, watching him fidget and knowing it would be extremely easy to get him to invite me over and fuck him. I obviously didn't do that, but seeing his behavior lately and knowing that he's upset by how this played out is downright intoxicating. 

Then tonight we got into it. Like kind of bad. He was running his mouth, being a dick, threw away my fucking food. I called him out, got confrontational, talked about him to a select few people, and called it a night. I stopped to get gas on the way home and he was fucking THERE. Like wtf, universe. I parked right next to him unknowingly, but sped off when I saw him inside. I contemplated hitting him with my car for a split second. 

I want to quit my job. Badly. Next semester is going to be a huuuuge amount of hours that I have to put into school, and I am just tired of the people there. I'm loving having clients so much that I want to only do that... I hate the fucking drama at my job right now. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm getting a little burnt out with school also right now, but I just keep reminding myself that it's almost over.

I'm feeling depressed lately. And I realized it's because I haven't had fun in a while. I have no free time. I have too much homework and too much responsibility to function normally at the moment. Plus stress over money and various other things...

And I miss my fiancé. Even now, I'm at home while he's at work. Lately there's a lot of such scheduling, and it's annoying. It makes me worry. And lonely. 

I feel really lonely right now... I can't really take the time to hang out with coworkers or friends lately, and the fiancé is not home... It's just me and my fucking homework and then off to a job with assholes that I hate. It's not quality personal time with anyone... And the only ones I really want that with are my family and fiancé and stepkids. I was hoping my brother would come visit this weekend, but he's not... So Monday will be lonely also. 

I'm annoyed with everything right now. 

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