Thursday, July 28, 2016

FML is all I've been thinking

I am going to fast today. I am going to fast today.  I am going to fast today.

I binged last night. It was gross. I couldn't stop. I did fantastic all day, but then I let myself have a glass of wine and a joint, and I FUCKED it up... I don't think I can smoke anymore. It makes me eat. It makes my inhibitions too low, and I fuck things up. I need to use it as a reward for losing and not a daily routine.

I need to work out more instead. Daily. I need to get my body in shape.

I had a dream last night that the fiance and I were at the beach, and there was this perfect blonde girl in a black bikini and he was checking her out. That could be me if I just fucking worked a little harder. I can be Jeane... I can be hot. I just need to make myself get there. I need to focus. I am going to hate my entire wedding and honeymoon if I don't get myself ready, and I KNOW it.

Bri's wedding is in a couple months. I want to be thin by then. I want to be way more fit.. And I CAN DO IT. I JUST NEED TO DO IT.

The plan:
  • Morning workout before shower for 15 mins daily.
  • Under 1,000 cals a day, and goal is under 650.
  • One fast day a week.
  • For every 5lbs lost, I get a glass of wine and a joint, and then back on track.
I really can make it work if I stop being such a fucking fat bitch.

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