Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Adam and Alcohol

The Adam stuff is all settled. At least on my end.

He never responded to my text saying he was dead to me and not to talk to me at work. He left e alone for a couple shifts, and then the last couple shifts we worked together, he kept getting in my conversations, saying things directly to me or about me, calling me by name.

My response has been to completely ignored him. I don't make eye contact, don't respond, don't look in his general direction, and walk away when he starts talking. I want to scream at him to shut the fuck up and call him names, but instead I just keep with the silent treatment, because I feel like that's far more impactful in this situation.

Then, two nights ago after work, it all came to a head. I went out and drank with my coworkers. I wanted to hang out with Ee and decompress a bit because there's been a lot of drama and bullshit going on lately. Ee and I went to the usual spot, but everyone else had gone to a different place. I texted Dani and asked her where she was and who was there. She told me the place and named off like 7 people. When I arrived, there were 8... Adam was there. Mr. "never goes out and doesn't drink" was standing there in his tank-top and basketball shorts with a beer in his hand. I decided to turn it on hard, and really make it a point that he was being ignored. I stripped down to my undershirt and went over to where he was standing in a group. I hugged all of them, save him, and and chit-chatted and laughed and giggled and was handsy and never once even looked in his direction. I threw myself around and flirted and even guys who were not in our group took note and started talking about me in range of Adam. One of my coworkers bought me a drink and when Ee asked if I wanted another one, I said that Jay was buying me one right as Adam came to talk to Ee. Another guy who used to work with us who at one point tried very hard to sleep with me was there, and I used the shit out of him, hugging him and getting tons of attention.

Ee and I were laughing like crazy, watching all the players who didn't even know they were players, and enjoying ourselves. It was epic.

But it kind of kicked off a little bender to be honest. I drank yesterday and the day before as well. I felt like it. I wanted to. My professor gave us an extension on our papers, so I decided to lay out by the pool, get some sun, cook a meal (skinny for my portion, of course) and drink a bit. The fiance and I had a fucking nice evening... I needed it.

I think I'm starting to decide my views on drinking via this class. I like to drink and do drugs. I don't think I have an actual problem. I just went two weeks with not a substance in my body. While that's the most sober I've been in ten years, and I'm proud, I'm also not feeling like it's something I need to keep up with... I want to be able to enjoy myself and drinking is part of that. Plus, for some reason, it's easier to chill about food when I drink a little.

And I don't like binging and purging. I've done it a few times lately when I was stressed, and I really don't fucking like it.

No comments:

Post a Comment