Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Lean and clean and loved

The scale has been kind the past few days. My body is releasing the weight slowly but surely, and this morning was a nice number. 

Today's intake was good. Or maybe today was just good... Which was fantastic, because I've been in a really low place lately. 

I ate very little today, got a lot accomplished, didn't have to go to work, and had some amazing sex with the fiancé to boot. 

Our relationship is so good sometimes. Sometimes we just end up on the same page and enjoy our time, and I feel heard and appreciated. He's been making such an effort lately, since our last big argument. It feels nice. It feels right and like we've worked very hard to get here and we're beginning to enjoy it more and not just fight for it all the time. 

Also, I think that when I am losing weight well and eating properly and getting my life in control, I don't cause issues over things like I have in the past. I let myself enjoy things without worrying. It's rare, but really fucking nice when it happens. I know he loves me, and when I have everything falling into place within myself, I know I'm much more pleasant to be around, and I see that reflected in how he interacts with me. Reaping what you sew and all that, I guess. 

One thing about Ana though, is that she's compulsive... Suddenly lately, I find myself starting projects, especially cleaning. Like my whole fucking house. I wash at 3am, clean behind the furniture, organize every cabinet and drawer, dust obscure places... I just jump up in the middle of watching tv or any meaningless inactive, and just DO shit. I can't sit still. The fiancé makes comments and asks if I took some aderall and if I'm going to come sit back down.

And then, in that moment, I remember my ex asking me that one night at 3am when we lived in the mountains because I was mopping the kitchen floor... That was the period when my ED was at its worst. 

But somehow I don't care... I like when I'm thin and my house is spotless. I want to do it all and have it all, and I'm going to. I feel invigorated, and I'm going to stop being a fat slob and be an enviable perfect person with ALL of her shit together. 

Think thin. 

No comments:

Post a Comment