Sunday, February 28, 2016

No more fuck boys in 2016

Adam is not handling the news well. I'm not smoking. I'm engaged. I don't want to hang out afterall. I crack a joke that may have hurt his feelings... Maybe I hit that adopted nerve, but his reaction took things too far. 

He says something around our coworkers hinting that something has happened between us. I am immediately angry. I don't know how to react or what to do with my face. The awkward statement hangs in the air and causes a weird silence that is suffocating. He's just looking at me like I know what he's talking about. I look at him confused, not because I don't know what he's hinting at, like I hope everyone else assumes, but because I don't understand where this is suddenly coming from and why the look on his face seems sentimental in a way and not malicious. I act like I don't really know what he's saying - most people usually don't, so I hope it works. I change the subject with a snarky remark that makes him look like a weirdo. I leave as quickly as possible. I'm fuming. 

I want to text him. I want to tell him stop trying to blow up my spot. Sorry you're the good luck chuck. You had a chance. You're not supposed to catch feelings like this. It obviously didn't mean anything, so stop acting like it was more than it was. I want to tell him he's being an asshole throwing this around now when I'm engaged and not immediately after it happened which would have been socially acceptable because me and the boyfriend were broken up. Throwing it around now makes me look like a whore when I'm fucking not

I devise a plan that if this spreads around, I will make him look pathetic. I'll say he tried to make out with me one night. That I wasn't interested. That he didn't handle it well. 

Only one of those facts is true: he's not handling it well. 

I decide not to text him. If he's hurting, it's his own doing. If he's upset with me, he has no right to be. And if I want to truly move past this, I have to leave it in the past. Plus, I suspect not talking to him about it makes it a little more annoying for him, and that's what I want to do to him at the moment. 

Fucking jerk. I hate fuck boys. 

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