Monday, December 14, 2015

Body and boys... IS there anything else?

147lbs this morning, as anticipated. It felt good. Now I just need to keep momentum.

I had a crazy long day at work... I managed to keep my eating 100% under control all day too. And I just had a reasonable meal when I got home. It's been about 4-5 days of eating well, and no binging or purging... It feels fantastic, but it's also getting old quick. I told myself tonight that when I get down to 145lbs, I can have one cheat meal.

In other news, Adam was all over me tonight. Things with him have been sooo weird. After Ee's birthday when he didn't show up and we bickered, I didn't talk to him for a few days. He got super clingy when I stopped speaking to him... Like, hunting me down, following me, trying to force me to talk to him. I blew him off really hard until I was over being mad. Then, once I started speaking to him again, we just kind of worked different schedules and didn't really see each other.

Tonight I felt like he's suffered enough, though... I acted normal with him, and that's all the encouragement he needed to spark right back up. He was bent over getting something out of the cooler, and I smacked his butt a little when I walked by and laughed hysterically. A couple hours later, I was standing in the side station, and he smack-groped my ass. Then he got all close up behind me, with his dick against my ass and made a sexual joke. I forget what he said, but afterward, he said, "There was a little sexual innuendo in there, but I guess you missed that." I was like, "No, I got it." He blushed. I'm not gonna lie, I was turned on. My face got heated, and I wanted to jump him. I like the fucking attention way too goddamn much. He was squeezing and rubbing my shoulders too at one point tonight, and I wanted to just back up and rub my ass all over him SO badly. *sigh* Why am I such a terrible awful horrible flirty attention whore??

I told Ee, and he said, "I'm at a loss about that nonsense." It's so true... It is all nonsense. I told him I was going to go buck wild and sexually harass and push Adam until I literally made him uncomfortable... Ee said that might have the opposite effect.

I think that's actually what I want, if I'm honest with myself... I want to make him want me.

I texted him tonight. We flirted a bit. Anti-climactic and unsatisfying.

I just want HIM to text ME. I want HIM to try to hang out with ME. But to get that, I'm going to take advantage of the fact that he's paying me attention and play with him. I'm going to initiate games, demand shoulder rubs, rub my boobs and butt on him when he's close, and give him "fuck me" eyes constantly. I'm going to drive him nuts.

Because it means nothing. And he made that clear. He's an inconsiderate, selfish jerk who means nothing to me and drives me crazy. I'm the cat who caught a mouse and is going to play with it mercilessly until I decide I'm done having fun, and then I'll let it die.

But, I get to be the cat, not him. He thinks he can play these games, but I am going to show him that I'm better at them. 

I don't even want him... He is a horrible kisser with a small dick who acts like a fucking idiot. I mean, I'd love to get him to eat my pussy again, but... That's about the end of it. Let me ride your face and then fuck off and die... Beg me for things I'll say no to. Let me toy with you.

I sound like a horrible, slutty person, but I don't care.

I have the boyfriend, and I adore him and want only him... But this Adam shit is so annoying... I have to take it somewhere. I can't live my life letting him flirt with me when he feels like it and getting pissed at him. I want him to get pissed at me and feel like I've been feeling.

I'm going to lose weight and break a heart and ride off into the sunset with the man who actually loves me. That's my fucked up mental case plan...

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