Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Birthdays and Bikinis

Tonight is Ee's birthday. Everyone is supposed to be there... Like everyone. Lolly, MW, Adam... It is either going to be a great night or a fucking train wreck.

Adam has been weird lately, and though we've been talking, I've also avoided being anything but simply friendly. I don't want him. And I don't want to get to a point where I have to say it. I just want things to fizzle out, and I don't particularly want to get drunk tonight and act like an attention-seeking slut face. I have decided that if he doesn't come that I am no longer going to text him. And if he does come that I am going to behave myself. He's back to the IG life and selling himself, and I don't know what to make of him lately. I don't know how he feels about me, and I don't like how he's acted. I just want him gone. I don't want to care about him anymore.

My number of binge-free days is one. I am going to do well again today. I have to. I can't live in this body any longer.

Apple and coffee or tea every morning, chicken or fish and veggies for lunch and dinner, popcorn and either a fudgesicle or tootsie pop for my midnight snack.

Roughly 600 cals a day until I'm back down to a decent weight.

I know if I just stick to it that the weight will come off. And it has to. I spent hours last night flipping through thinspo so I wouldn't go to the kitchen and eat anything. I desperately want to get back to a body I like...

My thinspo bikini got here. It's sooo beautiful...
It is also extremely revealing and you can see every flaw my body has... My goal is to get into wearing it by the time it's bikini season again.  I also need to start working out, but this ankle injury is hindering that a lot...

Anyway, have to go do homework. Let's just cross our fingers today goes well!

Today's eats:
Apple and coffee - 60 cals
Chicken and veggies - 150
Packaged spinach salad - 220
Drinks out - ??? Not counting!

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