Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Birthdays and Bikinis

Tonight is Ee's birthday. Everyone is supposed to be there... Like everyone. Lolly, MW, Adam... It is either going to be a great night or a fucking train wreck.

Adam has been weird lately, and though we've been talking, I've also avoided being anything but simply friendly. I don't want him. And I don't want to get to a point where I have to say it. I just want things to fizzle out, and I don't particularly want to get drunk tonight and act like an attention-seeking slut face. I have decided that if he doesn't come that I am no longer going to text him. And if he does come that I am going to behave myself. He's back to the IG life and selling himself, and I don't know what to make of him lately. I don't know how he feels about me, and I don't like how he's acted. I just want him gone. I don't want to care about him anymore.

My number of binge-free days is one. I am going to do well again today. I have to. I can't live in this body any longer.

Apple and coffee or tea every morning, chicken or fish and veggies for lunch and dinner, popcorn and either a fudgesicle or tootsie pop for my midnight snack.

Roughly 600 cals a day until I'm back down to a decent weight.

I know if I just stick to it that the weight will come off. And it has to. I spent hours last night flipping through thinspo so I wouldn't go to the kitchen and eat anything. I desperately want to get back to a body I like...

My thinspo bikini got here. It's sooo beautiful...
http://www.thewildflowershop.com/21856-pos_thickbox/ada-tequila-bikini-set.jpg
It is also extremely revealing and you can see every flaw my body has... My goal is to get into wearing it by the time it's bikini season again.  I also need to start working out, but this ankle injury is hindering that a lot...

Anyway, have to go do homework. Let's just cross our fingers today goes well!

Today's eats:
Apple and coffee - 60 cals
Chicken and veggies - 150
Packaged spinach salad - 220
Drinks out - ??? Not counting!

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