Sunday, February 26, 2012

Time to be happy

I don't know what to do with myself...

I thought I had it together... My birthday is what fucked it up.

I thought, "I'm getting too old for this. I need to stop the ED behavior... I need to eat like a normal person."

I can't.

I started crying on the drive to work yesterday. Tears streaming down my face for no apparent reason.

I'm unhappy.

Very very very unhappy, and I've been trying to look on the bright side of things for MONTHS. Trying to think and feel like, "Well at least my bills are paid. At least I have an amazing husband who loves me. At least I have a goal and dream I know I can achieve."

But it's not enough.

I want to be thin, and no matter how old I get or how much everything else in my life is going okay, I will not be happy until I am.

The plan: (And yes, I know I'm often planning and rarely achieving.)
Lose weight. A lot of weight. Soon.
No adderall.
500 cals max per day.
Workout 3x per week.

Today's planned intake:
B: Tea - 0 cals.
L: Salad at work - 150 cals.
D: Soup when I get home - 150 cals.
Total: 300 cals.

Tomorrow I will up to 500 and throw in a workout.

It's time. It's time to be happy.

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