Tuesday, December 27, 2011
New plans and years
I need to go to bed, but I have so many thoughts tumbling around inside my head... I don't know what to do with them all... I'm exhausted, but I just can't sleep.
I decided not to take any addy on days I work because I have to eat before work, and I find it's not as strong if I have food in my system. I took a half of one tonight because I was so fucking TIRED at work, and I didn't even feel it.
I've been trying to conserve, but I'm going to invest some money tomorrow and buy like ten. My plan is a full pill on days I have off (half in the morn and half in the evening) and a half a pill at work IF I have not eaten up to that point.
And then taper off the shit once I feel in control again....
Because right now I don't. I feel like by taking the addy I'm taking the easy way out, but I need it right now. I constantly feel depressed and drained and lifeless and directionless and like all I want every single day is a distraction from all the negative shit in my life.
So I need to fix some things... Not just my body but my head.
And in the spirit of that:
Cally's New Year's Resolutions:
First and foremost, get down to 110lbs if it kills me.
Spend more time being active and creative.
Learn to be an adult.
Enjoy the gym.
Listen to music more.
Create more masterpieces.
Keep my environment more peaceful.
Express to more people how much I enjoy them and spend more time catching up with them.
Get out of the house more.
Re-find God and tell Him I'm sorry.