Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Reality check and plans
My plan for this weekend didn't go quite according to plan with the hubby's birthday... I ate a LOT over the weekend and could not have purged if I wanted to.
However, I think my body is back to normal from my fast... It took SUCH a long time. I'm SO mad at myself for fucking it up and gaining back what I lost.
Now I just want that feeling back. The "I feel thin today" feeling. The one that doesn't make me want to cry.
Last week I called in sick to work one day because when I stepped my new truthful scale, the number was awful. I was so mad. I stared crying and knew I couldn't put on that skimpy work uniform and go about my day feeling any kind of confident.
So I stayed home. I B&Pd once and then I decided to fix things. I gave myself a bit of slack over the weekend, but now it's time for real change.
My intake yesterday was low:
B: Diet pill.
L: Salad and chips: 400
D: Egg whites/veggies/watermelon: 175
The scale this morning was nice to me but honest... I have a lot to lose. My goals which once seemed so close are now
Goal #1: Lose 5 pounds. This is to be done within a week and then maintained for a few days.
Goal #2: Lose 10 additional pounds. This is to be done slowly over the course of a couple weeks so that my family doesn't freak out and then maintained. This is also to be done using a lot more exercise.
This will put me better than where I have ever been. Better than where I wanted to be for so long.
And now with my new scale that tells me the truth, there's no fudging things. I will ACTUALLY be lighted than I've ever been or hoped to be.
Clean my awful house.
No food until after the gym.
B: 2 diet pills and WATER - 0 cals.
L: 1/2 protein shake and fruit if needed - 200-300 cals.
D: Chicken and veggies - 200 cals.
Total: No more than 500 cals.
I can do this. I am capable. And I need to be thin.