Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Reality check and plans

My plan for this weekend didn't go quite according to plan with the hubby's birthday... I ate a LOT over the weekend and could not have purged if I wanted to.

However, I think my body is back to normal from my fast... It took SUCH a long time. I'm SO mad at myself for fucking it up and gaining back what I lost.

Now I just want that feeling back. The "I feel thin today" feeling. The one that doesn't make me want to cry.

Last week I called in sick to work one day because when I stepped my new truthful scale, the number was awful. I was so mad. I stared crying and knew I couldn't put on that skimpy work uniform and go about my day feeling any kind of confident.

So I stayed home. I B&Pd once and then I decided to fix things. I gave myself a bit of slack over the weekend, but now it's time for real change.

My intake yesterday was low:
B: Diet pill.
L: Salad and chips: 400
D: Egg whites/veggies/watermelon: 175
Total: 575

The scale this morning was nice to me but honest... I have a lot to lose. My goals which once seemed so close are now

Goal #1: Lose 5 pounds. This is to be done within a week and then maintained for a few days.

Goal #2: Lose 10 additional pounds. This is to be done slowly over the course of a couple weeks so that my family doesn't freak out and then maintained. This is also to be done using a lot more exercise.

This will put me better than where I have ever been. Better than where I wanted to be for so long.

And now with my new scale that tells me the truth, there's no fudging things. I will ACTUALLY be lighted than I've ever been or hoped to be.

Plan today:
Clean my awful house.

Rules today:
No food until after the gym.

Planned eats:
B: 2 diet pills and WATER - 0 cals.
L: 1/2 protein shake and fruit if needed - 200-300 cals.
D: Chicken and veggies - 200 cals.
Total: No more than 500 cals.

I can do this. I am capable. And I need to be thin.


  1. I know the feeling :( But good luck with the new plan! You can only fail if you quit! And you're back on track already. Now the scale just needs to cooperate! Skinny thoughts your way! Xo Xo

  2. I know how you feel! I'm struggling too right now. Hope the bod cooperates so you can start feeling better about yourself.

  3. Good luck with your plan. I like the way you laid it out; lose 5, maintain, then lose 10 slowly. Stray strong you can do it :)

  4. Birthdays, or any celebration, are always a fight for me too. Sounds like you have a good plan of attack! Good luck!

  5. Oh look at those legs!
    Keep fighting lovely, keep fighting,
    You can do this. You are capable.