Sunday, August 21, 2011
I hate weekends
I threw up SO much this weekend. I'm so ashamed. I gave in to Bulimia fully over the past 2 days. It's like I was 16 all over again and hating myself just as much.
My whole body hurts from it. My throat is raw, my head has been aching for 48 hours, and I'm bloated.
Not to mention the laxatives.
I haven't weighed in... I don't want to. I don't want to know how much I fucked up and damaged myself.
What is WRONG with me!? WHY can't I just STOP this!? I'll eat something small and then I can't stop... I eat more and more and then I can't help it - I have to purge it up.
I'm so MAD at myself.
I'm not weighing in until Wednesday. Punishment for the weekend's transgressions.
I have the day off on Tuesday, so tomorrow's priority is to get an Adderall for my day off so I can clean the house and NOT B&P.
Fuck, I hate myself SO much.
I really do.