Saturday, July 30, 2011
I burned 500 cals at the gym. Phew! It was intense.
Got home intent on making egg whites with tomato and threw in a little mushrooms and onions as well. SO I'm at 65 calories instead of 44 for breakfast. I wanted to eat an orange SO badly when I finished that bit, but I didn't... I think I'll eat that as my snack at 1pm instead of an apple and then the calories are evened back out.
Sometimes I feel like my brain clicks over and this little voice in my head points out how weird I am with food...
"When the fuck did eating an orange become such a huge fucking deal?" It says to me. "An orange won't make you fatter."
But I know it will. Normal people have got it all wrong. They think, "Oh I can eat this brownie because I went to the gym today. It'll be okay."
No, it won't. It will never be okay. Certain foods should never be eaten, never thought of as food even.
Oranges should only be eaten when planned. When calculated into the big picture. It's not that the orange is bad. It's that the action of eating the orange is out of the realm of complete control. One little slip-up like that... One little orange that isn't planned opens the door to SO many other bad things. Then suddenly it's "okay" to eat something.
But it's not.
Once I eat that orange, the "normal" voice in my head says, "Oh you can eat some wheat toast. You went to they gym today. It'll be okay." And this time it's louder.
But I know better. So I put the orange aside and I move away from that voice in my head. If I ignore it and don't give into it's suggestions, I know it will quiet down more and more until I can't even make out what it's saying anymore.
That voice only wants me to be fat.