Monday, April 18, 2011

Woes and workouts

Sorry for my lack of posts lately.

The past week has been hectic, to say the least.

That weekend at my parent's house lead to a horrid downward spiral. I spent 2 nights at their house, and ALL. I. DID. WAS. EAT.

For 3 days, I binged and purged in the master bathroom where no one could hear me. With my hubby, parents, brother, grandmother, and great aunt all staying there with 2 dogs and a cat, sneaking off was too easy. And all my family members think I'm "too thin," so no one questioned the amount I was eating.

It was a hideous weekend.

When I got home, the scale was not nice to me. It said I was fat again, Back to 123/4/5/6/something pounds, and bloated as a motherfucker. I don't even remember the exact number, I just know it caused me to have a total fucking meltdown. I gained around 2 pounds A DAY while I was there. The day I wrote my last post, I had a major breakdown. Sobbing and crying and wanting to die. I don't normally want to DIE, but REALLY I did. And that hasn't happened in a long time.

So I did what I knew was best for me. I told myself that I had to put my ED [mostly] aside for a few days and just focus on finding a job. SO, I did that for 4 days. I ate what the hubs ate and didn't think about it.

But! We got to Friday of the week and Wes and Noel wanted to hang out, and I told the hubby NO. I gained weight and I didn't want to see ANYONE, much less Noel of all people. I realized that I had a week to lose the weight I put on in a matter of days and that I HAD to because this weekend I can't put them off again.

My emotions have calmed down significantly. I've had to just glaze over about certain things and not think about them too much or I'll have a panic attack. I'm starting to REALLY freak out about not having any income. I'm applying for a couple more days (one of the positions is for a company I previously worked for for 2 years, so I think I have a shot at that one) and then I'm going to the mall to get a job ANYWHERE.

The past 3 days have been REALLY good for me on the weight loss front. I've gone to the gym all 3 days and burned about 350 cals each day (In about 25 minutes on the cross trainer, so my heart rate is through the roof when I'm done!) and my intake has been LOW. I've basically been eating nothing all day and reserving my calories for dinner and then eating one larger meal.

I've lost a lot of the weight I had gained. It's hard to believe it was only 10 days ago I weighed 118.5lbs. This morning, the scale was not that nice. I don't even want to talk about it, honestly. I'm just hoping that I can keep my week workout central so that this weekend on double date night I look/feel thin.

I'll tell you when I'm back to 118lbs.

Then 110lbs is just around the corner.

A bit of Charlotte di Calypso thinspo. She is my FAVORITE model.


Think thin, ladies. ♥

1 comment:

  1. Well, you are certainly doing good now. I'm sure you've managed to chip away at that weight gain. Isn't it crazy how it takes so long to lose and only so many days to put on.