I refused to face the scale this morning... I'm sure I've gained about 2 pounds after the tragedy that was my intake over the past 2 days.
But I'll make my comeback.
300 cals so far today... Probably 100 more, but it's actually hard to eat today... I feel like shit... I overdid the laxs yesterday, but they didn't have any effect on the actual BM's. They just made me nauseous as fuck.
Does that ever happen to you ladies?
Plus I'm depressed as fuck today, and that either takes my appetite away or makes me ravenous.
Luckily today I achieved not interested in food.
I've been applying for jobs like nobody's business, and I'm SO SICK OF IT. Am I completely un-hire-able? I've had ONE call back from maybe 50 job applications, and the position sucked, so I said no.
I applied for a position today that would be insanely amazing if I actually managed to get it, but I don't know if I'm what they're looking for... I worry.
I'm embarrassed about what my life has become.
I had all the potential in the world. I did so well in school. So well in college the first 2 years. And then I BLEW it. Because of my fucking ex and because I had absolutely no direction. I was applying for a tutoring program the other day and I didn't qualify because my uni GPA was so low.
How pathetic is that?
At the time, I told myself I should just finish and not worry, but now I wish I had taken time off and gone back... I could have done anything. Anything beside what I chose, which I now hate.
I was a genius. Who got distracted by a boy.
And now I'm a loser.
A fat, pathetic loser.
With no job.