I ate a brownie. And half a cookie. Then chips and dip. Then chicken and rice.
Then I threw it up. A messy, messy purge.
Then I ate half a sandwich and a cookie.
And I'm starving.
I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know where my calories are at all, and that makes me crazy. I have to make Tuesday and Wednesday good days because Thursday I have a dinner at a friend's house.
Today needed to be good, but it wasn't.
I don't know how to handle what I've done.
Everything I didn't purge = about 700 cals.
Everything I did purge = about 900 cals.
Let's say I purged two thirds of these calories, that equals 1,000 cals. = HORRIBLE!
This is 500 cals more than I've been eating... That means to compensate for the next 2 days in order to afford Thurs, I should only eat about 300 cals a day.
I can fuck with these numbers for hours, but they all lead to the same conclusion: I fucked up.
I'm not going to worry about it until tomorrow morning's weigh-in. I can't do anything about it now, and I won't know my real damage until then.
One thing's for sure though... No more eating today.