Saturday, April 2, 2011

Cookies and Adjustments

I baked brownies.

That I will not eat.

There are cookies from Noel.

That I will not eat.

About 675 cals today... More than I wanted, but I couldn't help some of it today without looking like I was absolutely panicking over a few bites of junk food.

Don't you hate that? When you're in social situations and everyone is indulging and enjoying and scarfing stuff down and they know you haven't eaten, so they're all trying to get you to partake? My whole day was like this. I'm surprised I got away with so little, actually.

Luckily, I shopped for low cal food and tomorrow I should have no problem eating minimally.

We had my parents over today which for some fucking reason always leads to pizza. I ordered a salad, but they are so pushy I had to have a few bites of this and that... Then the hubby and I went to a bar with some friends. I ordered a beer and drank about 5 sips and left it to the side so I wouldn't have to finish it... Then we went to a burger place and I ate about 3/4 of a hot dog. I figured it was healthier than fries, and there was NOTHING healthy on the menu... Then we went to Wes and Noel's house and she baked cookies, and at that point I was so SICK of pretending to eat little bits of stuff and be normal that I refused a cookie 100%.

Being around Noel is hard for me sometimes. I don't love her. I've mentioned her before, here. Now that we live in the same town, they want to hang out whenever they have a free second, and in a way I guess they're our "couple friends." They're basically the only friends we have that are married like us, and the boys are best friends.

But GOD it's fucking annoying how she watches me looking for my ED. She's not the kind of person who can hide emotion, and when I say I don't want a cookie, first she looks concerned and like she's trying to read my mind and THEN she guilty eats one and watches me the whole time.

I know you're a "recovered" bulimic, but I'm not. Please stop. You're annoying the shit out of me and making my ED go nuts.

I felt like going into the bathroom and purging the hotdog, but I didn't think it was enough food to get out easily and I was pretty sure it had moved on at that point.

She's so triggering.

And I swear to GOD if she ever weighs less than me I won't eat a bite until I'm back on the bottom of the numbers where I belong.

Stupid, huh?

1 comment:

  1. triggering friends are the worst. Same with restuarants that only offer gross deep-fried fare.

    I'm so glad you're back and posting :)

    ~ H

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