Monday, March 28, 2011

Update on my life

I know I said I would blog soon in my last entry... That OBVIOUSLY didn't happen.

Life has been... Scattered. Hectic. Busy. Unorganized. I can't believe 3 months have passed since I was regularly blogging. I moved back to my home state, a new town. It's amazing. I've seen my friends and family way more, and I already have new friends I adore.

But other aspects are messy... Like employment.

My job transferred me to their location here, and it was awful. I won't delve into it, but it's like I didn't even work for the same company. THEN, then I went elsewhere. To the place where the hubby was working. Big mistake. Even more awful, but the money was okay. I stayed a month and couldn't take it. We both quit.

And now we're both jobless. Unemployed and hoping to find something soon so we don't completely drain our bank account. I know things will work themselves out. They always do. But the waiting is awful. We start to pick at each other when we have time off due to unemployment. 2 days into this and we're bickering. And to top it off, I'm fucking sick as a dog. Sore throat, headaches like you wouldn't believe, etc.

I turned down one job this week because it was NOT what I thought when I applied. I've applied for about 40 jobs. I applied for one yesterday that I am super excited about, and I hope they are interested enough in my application to call me for an interview.

Fingers crossed.

In other news, I've been "maintaining" my weight. My last job was extremely physically demanding and FUCKED with my eating schedule. I weighed in at 120 yesterday morning.

120 is my cliff.

If I top this number, panic ensues. I feel hopeless, depressed, like I'm going to DIE. Like I need to get it off as quickly as I can. But the flipside of this is that I don't want to weigh this MUCH. I have basically weighed this much since December. Unacceptable. I DO accept it, but I shouldn't.

My move, having different jobs, etc. of course has played a role in this, but I should still be weighing less than this. I always seem to teeter on this cliff, and it's HARD for me to get lower than this.

It's time though.

I had planned on starving the past 2 days, but waking up fucking sick put a huge damper on this plan because I have to eat with my pills or I get the worst migraines and stomach aches. You think this would help, but it makes it impossible to DO absolutely anything.

But, tomorrow is a new day.

It's time to achieve 110lbs. I'm diving in full force ahead. Time to be lean and mean and sexy this summer.

Plus I have motivation because a.) My lovely darling friend Elizabeth is coming to visit me, and she is a twiggy little thing, and we WILL be going to the beach, I can't avoid that and b.) I'm going back to the city I was living in for the past 2 years for a visit in about 2 months, and I want to be thin and ready.

I'm tired of this earthly body. This heavy sack of debris that I carry around everywhere.

I want to look like I should. I want to be and thin and free and not care about other people's opinion. I want to earn the right not to care.

Time to earn it. Tomorrow's plan is to earn it one day at a time.

B: Coffee
L: Tuna and Peas with lettuce
D: Cereal

This IS possible.

1 comment:

  1. 120 lbs is my WTF weight too!! Good to see a post from you. Hope the job situation works itself out.