Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Pizza and competition.

Yesterday's cals were around 500. Today around 750.

They're a little higher today because I had to eat pizza.

The hubby wanted to get pizza from this place we used to go to all the time before we moved away. Now that were back, he was anxious for some.

I ate about 100 cals of salad (and lots of coffee/diet coke/tea and a ciggy) all day in preparation because I've been trying really hard not to mia lately. I wanted to really really badly after the pizza, even though I wasn't grossly full like I normally am after carbs, but I didn't let myself.

750 isn't too bad, so I decided to let it slide, even though I feel gross.

I feel like I've been doing really well lately, but with no scale around I honestly have no idea. It scares me a bit, so I'm trying to just do what I know has worked before.

In other news, I think we may have found a house to rent!

It's not in the best neighborhood, and it needs some paint and cleaning and work, but the price is hard to pass up, and I don't mind working a little on a place. Plus, we're getting my brothers dog, and the landlord didn't have an issue with us having 2 dogs.

We're going to call tomorrow and figure things out.

The only thing I'm apprehensive about is what Noel will think about it...

I know I've mentioned her before, but I couldn't find the entry...

To make a very long story short, she is my competition in life. Fucking lame, but true.

She and her now hubby (who is my hubby's bff) started dating about a month after me and the hubby did. The boys were roommates at the time, so we spent a lot of time around them then.

Back then, she was the cuter girl.

Now she has gained weight, and I have lost weight, gained a major sense of fashion and gotten a hair cut. My wedding was in July, I weighed 112lbs. Her wedding was in August, she weighed 150lbs+.

She used to have an ed. She told me before that she missed senior prom because she was in the hospital. When I look at her now, I don't know if I believe that. (We're staying at their place right now while they're out of town and we're looking for a place, and my nosey self looked all through her photo albums and couldn't find any thinny thin pics. I know, stalker, but I'm crazy when it comes to her!)

I compete with her, and I honestly do not know why. I feel like I need to be better than her, and I never feel that way about anyone.

Every change we make in life, they make immediately after us. We hooked up, they hooked up. We started dating, they started dating. We got engaged, they got engaged. We got a dog, they got a dog. We got married, they got married THREE WEEKS LATER.

It makes me compete with her. Especially in the thin department.

SO, now that we're all going to be living in the same town again, I want a place that is enviable. I don't expect anything insanely nice, because I know our budget, but I don't want to feel like a failure about my home.

Being the thinnest is most important, but it's not all that matters in this dynamic.

Anyway, I guess tomorrow is decision day, so we'll see!

Think thin, ladies!


  1. Hope the house works out. I don't have anyone in my life really that I feel I compete with thank god. It's all good I guess unless you feel like you are the one "falling behind." I do know that I constantly compared myself to others a lot more when I was sad. Now, I still am aware of others and how well they may be doing but I am not as bothered by it 'cause I actually feel better about where I am now. Soooo....I'm dying to know. Who had the more expensive wedding???

  2. hey! i hope that everything works out for you! ive missed you dearly! lots of hugs and kisses lovie <3

  3. I haven't had anyone in my life that I feel the need to compete with for a long time... I kind of want that back, so I'm more motivated! I wish you best of luck with your house and i COMPLETELY understand how you feel about wanting your home to be nicely decorated. It seems as we get older that's what people are judging us for ... it's not just looks anymore! I'm rooting for team plum girl so I hope you win the home vs home battle ;)

    ~ Harlow

  4. Hi there!
    I'm happy I found your blog.. It's lovely! thanks for sharing such great inspiration and your thoughts.. Lovely pictures too!
    Hope everything works out well..

    Wanna be followers? Let me know!
    Love from Stockholm.. xoxo!